Saturday, April 30, 2011

Flirting, and How I Don't

Is there some sort of medical term to describe the inability to attract the opposite sex? The other night I googled "how to flirt successfully" partly out of boredom but also partly out of desperation. I read about five articles, all of which were fairly similar in context: describing flirting as an art that is primarily fueled by instinct (and common sense). Maybe I was born without this crucial human trait, because I have had absolutely no luck when it comes to flirting. Ever.

Everyone who knows me even decently well knows that I am boyfriend-hungry (I think my biological clock is a bit fast), and have been for a few years now. Of course, while it has certainly been on my mind, it didn't generally distress me throughout my High School years, not including the all-important struggle of obtaining a partner to go with me to Prom (in the end, I was one of the only girls in my large group of friends to not have a date). However, after graduation, being so-close to becoming a sophomore in college, and watching as more and more of my friends find boyfriends (or new boyfriends), it has become increasingly important to me.

I know well enough that if I want to snag me one of these elusive creatures, I need to put myself out there and work for it. In homage to this fact, I take pains to dress appropriately cute and fix my hair and face whenever I'm going to be going out to any sort of public facility. Sure enough, I usually run into at least one seemingly-single young male. This is where flirting comes in, and likewise where I fall figuratively (and sometimes literally) flat on my face.

Before I get ahead of myself, I should enlighten you to my current "strategy" to approaching bachelors.

Step 1: Look terrified, unconsciously (and unintentionally) bored, or grouchy.

Step 2: If your target seems to possibly be looking in your direction but you aren't sure, make a really stupid face.

Step 3: Avoid eye contact. Chew on lip. Act busy.

Step 4: If engaged in conversation, panic. Temporarily lose sense of humor and simultaneously insert foot in mouth.

Alright, so that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but no matter how confident I feel in a situation, as soon as a cute guy looks at me or talks to me, I clam up and get incredibly nervous. There have been times, of course, where I've actually been able to bring myself to do something fairly credible--but then either get shut down prematurely or find out that the guy is taken or gay (or both).

Today was an all-time low. Being called to come in for an extra day to work, I was too disappointed about losing my day off to bother dressing very nicely (we have a very lenient dress code), simply going to work in a plain T-shirt, a clean pair of jeans, and old sneakers.

For the first time in weeks, I encountered a seemingly endless flow of cute guys! Guys that weren't too old or young for me, no less! Equipped without any form of confidence, not even my "sly" attempts at showing cleavage by bending (as opposed to stooping) down to put books away in the lower-shelves garnered me a single glance.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe the world is conspiring against me to ensure that I stay single and alone, as every time I feel attractive and self-confident, there are never any guys around, and every time I feel like my self-esteem has been thrown off a cliff I run into a nice-enough looking gentleman every five seconds. In the end, though, it all comes back to my lack of natural instinct when it comes to flirting.

Noodle says I should just go up and talk to them. Personally, I'm too afraid of coming off as a total creeper by doing this. What do you think? Any suggestions? Stories from personal experience? Lessons learned?

One thing is for sure: I'm never dressing lazily for work again.


  1. I.... am about as hopeless as you. Like-- do some of the same things when flirted with. Haha. No help here.

    What's odd is that I HAD a boyfriend. One. Back in 8th grade through the start of grade 9. And then--- the dry spell of the century. (And not for lack of suitors, either.) It's like, half the time, I can effectively flirt, yes. However, all of a sudden, once I start getting anywhere, my brain tweaks and goes into Nervous Mode.

    Thusly, the conversation starts moving toward awkward. Quickly. So before we arrive at Awkward, I prematurely end said flirting. *fail*


    And I totally feel for ya' on the random flood of bachelors being immune to any and all feminine wiles. Like- wut? -_-'

    Men, dude. Men. (I am officially tempted into punking out and trying one of those dating sites or something. >.> How does eHarmony work anyway, I wonder...)

  2. LOL! I'll tell you a secret.
    Last night...I caved in and joined a dating sight.
    I was really embarrassed turns out so many people are on them that it was hard to feel ashamed of myself about it.
    (eHarmony makes you fill out this gigantic self-survey with like a billion questions and then finds people with similar interests and answers. You have to pay a good amount of money though to get most of the benefits of the website)

  3. 8D ~makes people feel less self conscious about being on a dating site because that's where I met my boyfriend~


  4. : DDDDDD

    You ARE magic, Ava~.

    And duuuudeee. I may as well jump on the (awesome) bandwagon and start scouting some dating websites. Perhaps even with my chin held high, even. We shall see...

    And 'grats on joining up, yourself, o lovely D.D. :] Sucks that eHarmony's a bit pricey, but at least there are scads of sites. And fish in the sea, so I'm sure we'll hook ourselves some keepers. 8)